What Abstinence Only Doesn’t Teach

Image result for sex education

When I was in high school, I took a Family & Relationships course. At one point in the class, we talked about intercourse, protection, pregnancy, STDs, and pretty much almost everything else connected to sex. While the teacher did believe that abstinence was the best choice we could make, she acknowledged that it wasn’t the only choice. As a teacher at a Christian school she also pointed out that, even though God had a lot to say about sex, that didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy it.

It was a great class, and I got a lot of questions answered. But I didn’t take that optional class until I was eighteen and in my last semester of high school. Until then, I was subjected to both my church and my school giving me the abstinence only view of sex. In that time, all I knew about sex was that I should avoid it as much as possible—even talking about it if I could.

We Americans have a weird way of talking about sex no matter where we go. Some communities like to avoid the topic altogether. As a result of the way we refuse to acknowledge the subject, America’s teens will often go into high school—even college—without a full understanding of sex. Sadly, this leads to unanswered questions. And in some cases, the consequences of letting these questions go unanswered are too severe not to address. Here’s just a few of those questions.

  1. What is sex?

John Oliver discussed the lack of sex education in America’s sex ed programs (link to his segment below), summarizing that it’s easier to find out what kids aren’t learning than it is to find out what kids are learning. And…yeah, that’s the best way to summarize abstinence only programs. They’ll tell you that it involves getting naked, but they don’t usually teach about protection, getting pregnant, or even what consent looks like.

  1. What’s the Appeal?

One of the questions I never got answered growing up is “if it’s so wrong, why have sex at all?” The media in particular has a strong fixation on sex. There are several factors that could explain the phenomenon, including but not limited to a) you can make almost anything appealing by forbidding it, and b) it’s a human drive—not a need, but a drive. Point is, there’s truth to the phrase “knowledge is power.”

  1. Is Shaming Okay?

On one hand, we believe that the “old-fashioned” notion doesn’t exist anymore. But it does, and it’s weird that we’d gloss over the idea of saying no. The other day, I found an ad from dating coach Matthew Hussey saying the best reply to a new acquaintance asking for a naked photo is “I think you’re mistaking me for a future version of myself who’s been on more dates with you.” Okay, but what if we don’t want to exchange naked photos at all? Come on, Hussey, let’s forget about my love life and talk about the legal and emotional importance of consent for a minute, shall we?

But on the other hand, people still make fun of you if you’ve had sex outside of marriage, whether you chose to or not. When I was in high school, a girl in my youth group was pretty popular with boys. To my knowledge, she never went beyond casual kissing. Yet my youth group leader made it seem perfectly acceptable to humiliate her for her “suggestive behavior,” turning our group into a hierarchy and saying she needed to earn her place in the clique despite already being part of the small group. That kind of non-virgin shaming isn’t just appalling in Christian communities, it’s commonplace. The sex education programs at Christian schools give students the right to compare non-virgins to dirty shoes or walking STDs.

As mentioned before, there’s a lot of other things about sex we don’t learn in sex education. The John Oliver segment—again, link below—is both funny and informative, so please check it out when you have the chance. But the point is, sex is more than just getting naked and experiencing bodily pleasure. So if we want to prepare our youth, then maybe we need to be more candid and willing to talk about it in a safe environment where kids can ask anything without fearing paranoid criticism.

Photo source: http://act4entertainment.com/issues/human-rights-civil-justice/sex-education/


Top 12 Traits of Good Teachers


Hello, I’m Leah G. Alfonso. I write so that I may speak.

Teachers. They can push you to the edge, back you up, constructively critique your work, and–as the title implies–teach you things. So for no reason whatsoever, I took a look back on all the teachers I had and found twelve traits that most–or all–of the ones I loved had in common. And I’m going to share all of them with you today. So, in no particular order, here’s the top 12 traits shared by good teachers (from the perspective of a former student).

#1: Stamina

It takes a lot of steel and perseverance to stay in a room full of kids for eight hours, go home, and spend time grading papers without screaming into a pillow. So the fact that there are people out there who can do that is evidence that there is hope for humanity.

#2: Honesty

We learn more when people tell us what we need to hear as opposed to what we want to hear. One of my favorite classes in college was a Creative Writing (fiction) class. We had to write three short stories and take on smaller assignments that tested our ability to establish settings, describe characters, and create dialogue. When we handed them in, the professor asked the students to share both their likes and their dislikes about the piece in question. He had us focus more on what could be better as opposed to what worked. This way, we could take in the criticism, learn from it, and make our work better. This leads me to my next point:

#3: They take everything that happens and turn it into a learning experience

So…yeah, that story I used for the 2nd point summarizes this one. Most of the stuff I turned in was some of the worst things I’d ever written, and the critiques taught me a lot about how I could improve. And…that’s it. I’ve got nothing else. Next point.

#4: Trustworthiness

Good teachers want their students to succeed. They want kids to grow into strong, independent adults capable of achieving greatness. They never give you more than you can handle, yet challenge you to learn and grow. Sometimes, the process of growing up involves having someone to talk to and ask questions without fear of judgment or the listening ear sharing your secrets with the public. And sometimes, that listening ear is a good teacher.

#5: They let you come to them

While it’s true that good teachers listen, it’s also true that they don’t force students to open up to them. If they notice something’s wrong, they might ask if there’s anything they can do to help. However, they also know they don’t need to be involved if you don’t want them to.

#6: Unique Teaching Methods

What makes us remember some teachers was their methods. In high school, the psychology teacher arranged the desks in a circle to make his class a discussion rather than a lecture. My favorite final exam was for a Children’s literature class, where I had to write a scenario where I’m in a café having a conversation with six of the authors we studied. Then there was an English class where we had to read what we wrote in front of the class and the class would critique our public speaking skills–which, coincidentally, taught me more about public speaking than the ACTUAL public speaking class I took in high school.

#7: Passion

Not only are the best teachers passionate about what they do, but they’re also passionate about the subject they teach. If teachers don’t care about their subject, why should students? If teachers can show why they love science or history or music, then their students can catch on.

#8: They Challenge You

One reason why good teachers are like second parents is because they care about you and want you to succeed. Sometimes, enabling success means listening to your thoughts and making sure what you’re planning to do is in your best interest. When you’re growing up and getting to the point where you’re thinking about what you want to do with your life, all it takes is a voice of reason from someone you trust to stay on track.

#9: You Can Ask Hard Questions

You can ask them almost anything you want to know, and they’ll answer. They recognize that a good education goes a long way for people, and by answering hard questions they can help you understand the world a little more than you did before.

#10: They Inspire and Encourage

One of my favorite teachers from high school is the religion teacher I had during my freshman year. At the end of the semester, we had to write an essay and prepare a speech based on what we wrote. When it was my turn, my speech was…awful, to say the least. However, when she graded my essay and handed it back to me, she commented that she liked my writing style and gave me an A. Those comments are what made me take an interest in writing, and played a vital role in making me who I am today.

#11: They’ve Seen You at Your Worst, and They Still Believe in You

When I think of strong fictional teachers, something that comes to mind is the student-teacher relationship between Professor McGonagall and Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter. Fans of the series know that McGonagall is hard to impress, and Neville’s main problem was his lack of confidence. Even in the fourth book, McGonagall practically begged him to hide his inadequacy while Hogwarts prepared to welcome guests. But then we get the moment in the sixth book, where McGonagall is helping Neville set up his class schedule. She gives him a rare compliment on what he did in the previous book, and we know she doesn’t say anything she doesn’t mean.

#12: They Let You Draw Your Own Conclusions

One thing I noticed about teachers I didn’t enjoy having was that they wanted you to think a certain way, end of story, no questions asked. If you disagreed or suggested a different theory, they shot you down immediately. Good teachers recognize that, like DNA, no two sets of opinions are alike. And keeping an open mind can introduce something new that you hadn’t considered before. True, it’s important to stand up for something you believe in. And true, some facts (like 2+2=4, most plants get energy from sunlight, Donald Trump pisses people off) can’t be disputed. But on occasion, we need to be open to hearing something new and letting people draw their own conclusions.

Until next time, this is Leah G. Alfonso saying “So long.”

Photo source: http://www.careerealism.com/becoming-teacher/