Substitute blog post


I’m sad to say that I can’t publish a full blog post today. I’m currently studying for finals this week, and so my brain cannot function properly at least until next Friday, May 23. But I didn’t want to let this week go by without recognizing that another week has gone by. So until my return to sanity, please enjoy this little list:

Top 10 Dining & Social Etiquette Jokes:

1. Some items are always on the left, while other items are always on the right. Does this ever affect left-handed people? No. At the time they came up with these rules, left-handed people were either rumors or living abominations.

2. Some places give you two glasses of wine at a proper dinner table, one for red wine and one for white. Other places give you two glasses of non-alcoholic beverages. And in both cases, dessert comes with coffee. Either they want to see how well you can hold your liquor, or they really want you to use the bathroom at some point in the meal.

3. Unless the potential employer indicates otherwise, wasting food at a restaurant is more proper than taking home the leftovers and saving them for later.

4. The waiter serves you on the left, and takes your plates/refills your drinks on the right. It used to be part of a poorly choreographed dance during medieval times.

5. While it’s rude to have your elbows on the table, it’s also rude to have your hands in your lap. If you have enough crumbs in your napkin, it’d be considered playing with your food.

6. You never rip your bread in half and butter the two halves. Instead, you rip off a bite-sized piece, butter the bite, eat it, and repeat. Since they didn’t have refrigerators back then, they thought the butter would last longer that way. I really wish I was making that up.

7. Apparently, there’s a proper way to take a break from eating. Again, I really wish I was making that up.

8. There are at least two ways to use a fork and a knife: the American way, and the worldly way. Yeah. We Americans are so uncivilized that we require our own way of eating that people can consider polite.

9. If you fold your napkin the proper way on your lap, you could hide a bomb in there.

10. You always have the blade of the knife facing you. They’d rather have you commit suicide than declare war.

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